Whine and Dine

So here's the deal. I have lost some weight. Now ordinarily, that would be a cause for celebration. However, it irritates the hell out of me that I lost weight without wanting to, because I spent more than a few thousand bucks last month buying clothes with the perfect fit! And now, as the perfect fit transforms into a rather imperfect fit, it sends me into fits!

Yes go ahead... say it. Girls are so confused, they dont know what they want... yadda yadda yadda. Bah!

Now the important question... how did I lose weight? By attending free lunches where less than one-tenth of the food was palatable. Yes, I said free lunches. Again, something which should excite me, but given that its food I just dont like, I really dont want my colleagues to take me for any more lunches. Stop. Please.

Of course, some of you are going to suggest that I honestly tell my colleagues that I dont particularly dig the expensive but horrible food they force feed me, and go on my own healthy lunches. Obviously, you've never been in this part of the world, or been a guest to the chinese, and have no idea how important the concept of 'giving face' is to them. So seriously, that option is out, unless I want to be the most disliked person in my office. I really cant refuse these lunch invitations! Understood?

So I go for the lunches... and I smile... and I make silly excuses and eat as little as possible.

"Oh, I am really full. I had a very heavy McDonalds breakfast today. Can I just take half?"
(Read: I am sooo hungry because I havent eaten anything since lunch yesterday! Can we go eat some real food instead?????)

"Oh, is it tuesday today? Sorry, hindus dont eat meat on tuesdays."
(Read: I honestly dont understand why you call squids and eels, food. Forget tuesday, I wouldnt eat it on any freakin' day of my life!)

"I am on a diet, so my appetite is shrinking. I'll have just 3 spoons of rice, thank you"
(Read: I could actually eat a horse right now. But given that you cook and eat every moving thing, dont take that literally. I really, would NOT, eat a horse!)

"I believe in a healthy lifestyle, so I eat heavy breakfasts and dinners, and light lunches"
(Read: I also eat a million unhealthy snacks a day from Starbucks downstairs, because your silly lunches leave me so goddamn hungry!)

"Oh, I ate dim-sums for dinner last night with my friends. You want to try italian today?"
(Read: Never in this lifetime, will my friends or me, voluntarily eat dim-sums for dinner. And never in this lifetime, will you agree to italian food. But I can still try, cant I?)

"Oh, I ate 3 pieces of that already, when you werent looking. What? There's still some left? Must be a mistake... they must have served extra."
(Read: Can you go to the restroom for a couple of minutes? Or go take a walk outside? I promise all the food will be gone by then. All of it!)

Phew! Any better suggestions?


Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get my post-lunch coffee from Starbucks and steal a snack while I'm there. My tummy groans...