LIFO? FIFO? Sequential Order?
Isnt it funny how sometimes people expect friendships to follow a sequence?
I think if two people are meant to click as friends, they will. It does not matter how and when they got introduced to each other! It does not matter if they are now closer to each other, than to the common friend through whom they met! I've heard some of my friends complain, oh, I introduced her to so-and-so, and now she hangs out with so-and-so more than she hangs out with me. But time doesnt really have a lot to do with it, does it? Just because you knew the person longer, doesnt mean you can lay claim to being a closer friend?
As easy as it may be for all of us to say 'no' to the above, I guess we've all done it at some point of time. We've all been possessive about our friends at some point of time. But this isnt an accounting entry, or a computer memory, where I can dictate the strength of a friendship through some hard and fast rule or have it increase only in sequential order. The heart doesnt follow rules. The heart does what it pleases. And if your friend now has another 'closer' friend... let go.
Its strange how sometimes two people start on a wrong note, and then go on to become such close friends. Even as I type this, my mind is flooded with instances of people who are now dear to me, but who I disliked like hell on my first encounter. Once again re-interates my belief, that if two people are supposed to click, they will.
Another strange thing about friendship is that a lot of it is only contextual. Not every good friendship is going to last forever... and we shouldnt try to stretch it. I spent my last year in university hanging out with my project partner for most part of the day, and now I meet him once in six months. I used to chat for hours with a friend everyday for 2 years, when in school, and now I dont even know where she is. No and it is not because I havent bothered to keep in touch. Its because some friendships only work well in a particular context. Some friendships are only meant to last a while. And rather than being sorry about it coming to an 'end', I guess we just have to cherish the good times.
The friendships that dont depend on a context... the people who I can relate to no matter how many years since I last spoke to them... the ones who I can talk to for hours regardless of how long I've known them for.... they are the ones who define 'great friends' for me.
posted by Casablanca at
11:56 AM
40 Comments:
Dang!
I was just about to do a post on just the same topic.
Very true.
Agree with you Casa. Most of the time, it is this feeling of possessiveness that ruins an otherwise good friendship.
One gr8 post
i can relate to each thought completely.
enjoy reading ur posts
Saurabh,
Let this one not stop you from writing yours then :)
Rita,
But we are human... so....
Paheli,
Thanks :)
you've explained it so well....i agree completely...while reading ur post i got reminded of so many friends...ones who used to dislike me and now r my very good friends...or ones who were my best frineds while in college and now i dont speak to them at all..another well written post from u...u know we can only expect the best from u casa....
let's give ur post some weirder title:-
-friendships frozen in time-capsules
-oldie goldie no more holdie frnds
-kick at first and lick at subsequent sights
pls state if u have some brighter weirder ideas :D:D:D
My thoughts exactly - though I have gone through the getting possessive phase but then realised I lose my frnd faster that way;-)
Lets just enjoy the friendship for today and not plan it for tomm or look back at it and sigh over what was yest.
I agree with all of it. I have just one thought. If it applies to friends, shouldn't it apply to love.
Why are people more possesive in love. Why can't exactly the same thing happen to 2 ppl in love. One of them meets someone better and moves on. They then remember the good times and not be bitter about it.
And then there are those that last forever...
I agree with all the instances.. especially the "but he was my friend first" one.. I recently spent a large chunk of time with an old friend with whom I'd lost the "connection" because he became friendlier with my husband than with me.. I think every friendship is different and should be treated such. There can be no rules.
@burf: "kick and lick"??? ewwww!
i was going to post on friendship, and then karuna went and posted somethin quite excellent on the subject.
So i gave it some time and thought about puttin up a post this week, and then you go and post something as fabulous as this.
hhmm.
your post hit right home it did. :) may as well link ya and save meself the time of wiritng a post. Simply fabulous.
Alice,
Thanks dear. You always do have the best-est compliments :D
Burf,
Errr... thanks, but NO thanks!
Gee,
Yup we cant always think about tomorrow, can we? Whether friendship or love, nobody can predict the future...
Anonymous,
Because there is more at stake in love?
Because you are more involved, emotionally?
Because the person is dearer to you, and hence the loss is more unbearable?
And after all this, if you still feel you can let go of love as easily, I think its friendship... not love.
Jupiter,
And thank god for those :)
Cowlick,
Exactly. Ya it doesnt feel good to let go of the closeness we share with someone... but well, things change, dont they?
Join you in eewww-ing Burf :)
Archster,
Hehe... sure sure. Copy-paste is also okay ;)
ur answer:
i used to wish things hadnt changed.
hated him for changing them/complicating them.
but now...when its all behind us, we have some nice memories...ones we can actaully bug each other about in play/sarcastic fashion.
feel good moments_yash chopra style!
:)
so true... that was just a sensible "everybody" speaking there! may be everyone does acknowledges the fact that this may well be the truth, its sometimes difficult to stage the let-go in one's mind (at least for some creeps like me).
great post.
p.s: do those two words still mean anything to u casa?
Simply superb i say!
I must agree with almost everything, but its hard not to be possesive, i try i do and i'm getting better but its hard.
Pretty cool.It explains some age old questions that have bothered me.From this moment,as i type this, i am letting go!
Ne idea when the song is going to change?
Khizzy,
On hindsight, most things seem to have gone okay, isnt it.
But glad that its reached that zone for you both :)
Shashi,
Ah, if not being able to let go makes a creep, I'm one too I guess ;)
Thanks for the compliment. Hope 'thanks' means something too :)
Karuna,
How was Hyd? When do we get to hear the stories?
Totti,
Letting go? Not of your senses, I hope ;)
And why's there no reply to my comment on your blog?
As for the song, why do you want it changed??? Its a really nice slow number AND it stars John Abraham!! Reason enough ;)
Good point. I think distance plays a very very important role..(probably thats what u meant by contextual)...thats why as u change places u make new friends, and slowly ur contacts with old ones start fading....
Agree with you - friendships that are based only on a context do not last beyond that context. However, some do start off and go beyond the context and those are the ones that last.
The whole thing abt distances affecting friendship is a lot of BS, its aking to saying that long distance relationship cant survive as a rule. Friends are individuals you have cultivated a lot of understaning and love over a longer period of time (and thats why they say u cant chose ur neighbors but u can chose ur friends )
Btw FIFO = friends in foe out cud have been the title of this post ;)
friendship in terms of LIFO, FIFO, computer memory... you are well on the way towards being a geek!
Rahul,
Well I didnt mean letting go as an end to friendship, but as an end to possessiveness.
Pointy,
Well, distance can be one reason, but not the only one. Sometimes two people can still be in the same place, and the environment has changed... their lives have changed. So that again shapes the friendship one way or another.
.:A:.,
Yes, those are the treasured ones.
Rohan,
Someone's missing a long distance love issit? ;)
I like the suggested title though!
Anshul,
Yup, influenced by geeks... what do you expect ;)
Heyyyyyyy,... ur blog sings. never knew since i usually see it from the office. today i had my earphone on as i was listening to a song which had stopped playing.. i was shocked out of my wits since i didn't have this song and my yahoo wasn't on...
I get along very well with fellow aquarians and the nearer his/her birthday to mine, the closer.. Strange??? but i never ask someone his/her BD and the fact that Aquas make great frns are usually found out after we have realised how well me ticked. stranger huh!!! no I am not surrounded by aquas either.. its just that most of my good frens turnout that way.. and the cycle goes on.. and yes there r times when u just get along. my problem is i get along well with so many people .. a fen of all is a fren of none, a fren once told me so..
im actually happy when my friends hang out with other friends of mine or they get close. makes me feel that ive gotten the world closer. i know how corny that sounds but its true.
well this topic is something close to my heart..will go on n on in this..didnt want to bore u..he he
btw..yea..i shall change the link to u in my blog properly! soon! lol
i don't know if the contextual ones are the ones to be treasured. i mean, they're all to be treasured naa? though the friendships that are the closest to me are the ones where i was myself the mostest. you know... sometimes you click with someone on almost all fronts...?
But then, sometimes you regret them too...
LIFO/FIFO?..
Too much of C++?
casa - i replied to your comment on either rohan's,pointy's or susu's blog! therefore i didnt repeat what i said.And, this song has been on your blog for quite sometime.I guess it played way too many times :p.i like the song.And, John abraham is a crappy actor! See, i have'nt lost my senses :))
Great post Casa. I agree. Friendships come in so many varieties, depths and contexts. And for it to flourish, it needs to be mutual and on the same page. Too many friendships dissolve or become lusterless or "lacking" because one does not feel the same way with the same strength about the other. I still like to introduce my one set of friends with the other. It makes me proud. Ofcourse, there's this little expectation "later" that "our friendship" will not suffer in anyway. We sure can get possessive about our friends, even though we know at the back of our minds that we can't control everything. And as Casa said, if it is meant to last, it will.
And yes, time gives history to a friendship, but it does not mean they are the "closest" friends. Friendships can start off great and end bitterly, or start bad and go on gloriously. One can never tell. I think it is best to not have any expectation, go with your heart, and just enjoy the moment in time, that is Now. Oh, looks like I am very much making a blog here about this :-) This is such an interesting topic :-)
Why did I write "as Casa said"-- Sorry :p
I must say.. so true!!!
"the ones who I can talk to for hours regardless of how long I've known them for.... they are the ones who define 'great friends' for me." --- just talking for long hours defines a friend ah ?
Goshhh Casa u r way too wise beyond ur years...a brilliant and very unique interpretation of frienship! Very well-said.
*Just because you knew the person longer, doesnt mean you can lay claim to being a closer friend?
spot on! Time is not an aid in the strength of a friendship. 2 ppl can click instantly or not click at all even after knowing each other for years...
**Once again re-interates my belief, that if two people are supposed to click, they will.
yes they will anyway...nothing will be able to stop it.
**Another strange thing about friendship is that a lot of it is only contextual.
sure is...I consider them as rain u get in every season of ur life...the sweet summer rains that come and go...
**The friendships that dont depend on a context... the people who I can relate to no matter how many years since I last spoke to them... the ones who I can talk to for hours regardless of how long I've known them for.... they are the ones who define 'great friends' for me.
can anyone else say it any better? Well done Casa! U defined the true meaning of friendship...thanks!
I have one person I can call my bestest best friend :) She and I have known each other for 11yrs now..we clicked instantly and it was like we knew each other already...we didnt even have to think what to say and do, all of it just clicked...just like u said...then she had to go overseas and we couldnt keep in touch that often...but whenever she came down, we could pick up straight away from where we left last...it's just magic. It's exactly the kind of timeless and context-less friendship u r talkin abt...:)
Keshi.
Nice post, I certainly identify with the things mentioned. And btw I absolutely love this song thats playing:)
Anthony,
There were a few reasons for putting a song on my blog, but shocking you out of your wits surely wasnt on the list :)
Clint,
Yea I know... I always want all my friends to get along well with each other too.
Godolphin,
Hehe... sorry for being a pest about the blogroll!
Bgfs,
I agree... I think all of them are too be treasured, even those that end bitterly, coz they atleast started well.
Zii,
Not me, but lot of people out there might only understand geek language ;)
Totti,
Nooooo, I commented on your blog why you called me a lawyer, and you didnt reply :p
Yes yes yes... I've changed the song. Refresh.
And NOT a word against John Abraham!!!
Harshi,
I think it is best to not have any expectation, go with your heart, and just enjoy the moment in time
But that's easier said than done, isnt it? :)
Susu,
:)
Jagan,
No but one of the things that defines it. Things like friendship and love can hardly be defined in finite words, me thinks :)
Keshi,
u r way too wise beyond ur years
Ah, I like that... always good to feel younger ;)
Yes and timeless and context-less friendships just make life so beautiful, dont they!
Aditi,
Thanks... just changed the song yesterday :)
This thought has been floating around in my mind from quite some time. Also, being 'possessive' about a friend just goes to show how insecure one feels than anything else.
Yes, easier said than done :) But we could strive :-)
:) young at heart will do...
Keshi.
Jay,
Well, that's one way to look at it. But humans are insecure, especially when it comes to emotions.
Harshi,
Strive, we must!
Keshi,
Hehe... young young, 100% young, I am!
heyz..this really sux i mean wut the hell r u talkin about..its never gonna be true!!!!srry for bein honest!!!hehe!!lolz!
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