While still on love...
Yes, you can call this a sequel-of-sorts to my previous post. But after all the comments, I am forced to ask - what is happily ever after? No I wasnt implying that all relationships are 'doomed' or that two people cant ever be happy together. What I was trying to say though, was that its always going to be a bumpy ride. There is rarely any smooth sailing. There always will be some misunderstanding, some argument or some problem to solve in a relationship. Yes, maybe that is part of 'happily ever after'... maybe that's something you are expected to assume after the movie or book ends. Maybe.
On another note, a lot of people are love addicts. They are in love with the idea of love. Yes go ahead, shake your head in denial. But some day, you might understand what I mean. A friend of mine sent this poetry to me yesterday - "The mess of love" by D H Lawrence. It talks about how love often loses its freshness after some time. Its inevitable.
And since we are on this topic, I might as well include every related thought that's in my head. A conversation between me and two of my girl friends, which I considered quite thought-provoking:
Girl A - How do you know when you meet a person, that he is the one for you?
Girl B - You dont... you've just got to take your chances.
Girl C - Do you really think there is only one guy for you? I mean... billions of people in this world, surely you can click with more than 1 person?
Girl B - No there might be more... but you cant keep looking, can you?
Girl C - Hmmmm... that's true.
Girl A - But but... how do you, that this is the guy, you want to spend the rest of your life with?
Girl C - Well, maybe its the person who has the least number of traits that you cant stand.
*silence*
Girl C - Did I make sense? Okay... its the person who has the highest combinations of characteristics you like?
Girl B - Ya I guess I'll agree with that.
Girl A - Hmmm... so its the person I least detest?
*awkward silence*
*each one makes a few mental notes*
posted by Casablanca at
12:01 PM
33 Comments:
I agree with you. There are bound to be misunderstandings and arguments in a relationship. Like you say it is a "bumpy ride" and not "smooth sailing". People who can accept that can live happily ever after. People who cannot, whine and complain. They realise sooner or later that life is not a fairytale. :D
Well I really loved your previous post. As someone(methinks Cowlick) put it it does fit into the stream of posts you've been feeding us with for the past few days.
Love itself is too much of a debatable definition to get into though I would think there is a certain definition that fits it well. Happily ever after is exactly what Rita defines it as. Or even as you think of it.
Personally I think the monotony of happiness is bound to spoil the broth one time or another and hence the fights and misunderstanding always tend to spice things up. Whenever I tell my better half that I love fighting I get a size 6 shoe hurled at me. But its true. The fights makes us see the other side of the coin. The ugly side. Atleast little by little one gets used to it and knows how to handle it.
'The one' - well really now. There isnt anything like that. We make people who they are and how important they are in our lives. The Knight in shining armour aint coming dear.
I likes your thought process ...
Nice post ! Life is full of compromises, and our choice of one over another is always relative and never absolute.
Meanwhile, I have made a feeble attempt at my own version of Identity (crisis) on my new post....
seems i have to stop dreaming abt the blue treat and come back to ur rescue :p as this topic has been dragged to the 2nd post; so here goes...
see world has been known as mrityulok (a place of sorrow). so now u have got 2 choices:--
1 - choose the person u like 1 thing about and be happy
2 - hate the person u like half a dozen things about but have recently come to know 1 that you dislike and be unhappy
Well Life is full of challenges and is always surprising us with ups and downs.:) And i believe that the downs in a relationships is sometimes a way of shaping up two person to understand each other or grow stronger. but i would not dare say that this apply to everyone. its really about how one want to keep their relationship up. many are going for a shortcut..just wish some would really hold on and like that flower cause it to blossom again. :) and about the one it would be silly to think this..but somehow..i sometimes feel there is that one person that is made jsut for ya..and sometimes i look at those who are old in age and not married i do wonder if their soulmates died half way while living life..haha do i make sense?? dun mind me..:) thanks for ur post.
Rita,
Bingo!
Saurabh,
The playful tiffs during courtship, are different from bigtime misunderstandings in a mature relationship, and I'm sure the latter, if ugly, wont be very pleasing, right?
As for the knight - nobody is waiting for the knight, but what if you have a whole army in waiting? How do you choose? :)
Pointy,
Compromises... sigh.
Liked your Hari & West story... saddening though :(
Burf,
We still have 1 match to go... hold your horses :p
I like the choices you have presented. I take option 1 :)
Sweetblue,
if their soulmates died half way while living life
Ouch... brutal, aint ya? :)
The poetry is awesome. Thanks!
Finding a 'true love'.. this topic may travel till the end of time.
One cant ask the person to take a written test of 100 Qs n then take a viva of 50.
It's more of hunch. How many ppl one can meet in one life, and considering the quest for soul mate is always inscribed into certain age window, one has to do compromise sometime.
The best bait is s/he is ur friend so you more or less know him/her.
And no matter wot, there are bound to be differences of opinions, clash of interests. but that doesnt mean the love is frittering away. Yes, the rides r always bumby, even the movies dont say they fell in love n started going out, n everything was just perfect !! they make villains, who adulterate their happiness. Whatever it is, the journey is far from ideal.
@love addicts, yes i have seen such ppl too.
@ the poem.
Well he is just focussing on the material aspect of love.
Love is 'selfless', else it is not true love. It just knows to give, give n give.
Whatever love we know of or churn on, is always give n take. 'I love u u love me' types (and so forth).
Relationships can last even without this selfless love. We hardly know of it anyway, but we get used to our partner n s/he gets used to us. A long-lasting relationship doesnt necessarily proclaim true love.
The conversation was hilarious from an outsiders perspective. I guess each person has their own view of love. A typical guy's conversation.
Guy 1:Wonder what love is about
Guy 2:Forget that, did u see the match last night?
Guy 1:YEAH, amazing goals!!
:p, not saying guys are shallow but they do find it more akward to talk abt love with other guys
When love loses its freshness, you powder it and make it wear some make-up.. so that it looks different. Better.
I hate Bill Gates!!!!!! for making such lousy OS. I had just finished typing a long reply to your comment and the damn PC thought 'hey this is the perfect time to freshen up. So, let's reboot.'
Damn. Damn. Damn.
Anyhow I shall try and recreate the chain of thought.
-----
The playful cortship battles kept aside I am talking about the real deals here. The misunderstandings that skae up the entire foundation of the relationship and pose questions you wince at the thought of answering. The howling and the screaming which follows suit does leave you with rather bitter tastes but my point is why not?
There's an old adage which says 'A man who has struggled during any part of his life is endowed with character which seldom can be replicated. The harships in life instill in us, a certain degree of maturity that's hard to come by any other means.' So why treat relationships differently. I say bring 'em on. Why cant the foundations of serious mature relationships be tested with quakes of varying degrees? It'll only bring forth the true strength and re-enforce it. After all dont we all mend our ways only once we've fallen?
As for the army in waiting.... hmmm... a sticky predicament you seem to have gotten yourself into here. But then again think hard. How difficult is it really? Dont you like experimenting? I mean take a soldier at a time and play the elimination game. You'll see that the winning Knight is not the most chivalrous or the most handsome one but it would be that dark horse that you never thought was in the running. Be wary of him... for he'll win you over before you know it.
Invincle,
Yes the movie doesnt show all is hunky-dory... but eventually, things settle down. My question is, does it really?
As for selfless love... me thinks its never selfless. We love coz we want to be loved. Infact, whatever we do, is ultimately for ourselves.
Exhaustpipe,
Yes, which is why guys need female buddies, who wont think they are sissy just coz they talk about love :D
Cowlick,
Excellent idea. A makeover always helps!
Saurabh,
As for the struggle, I guess we will have to agree to disagree. I dont think we need ugly times to appreciate the beautiful ones. I have a fundamental problem with that approach... I guess that deserves a seperate post.
As for the dark horse... I will let Girl A know about it ;)
We shall have a post on that soon :-)
Girl A = you?
Umm.... i need help with that song imbedding bit. I got the code but how do you point it to the particular song. I mean your song is stored on some 64.xx.xx.xx IP address.... which site is that?
being philosophical is immense tedium, Cas, that's all.
Happily ever after is merely restricted to the riding off into the sunset moment. next morning, you wake up, and the sun is shining ekdum brigt on your face.
happily after ever is something everybody hopes for. U know why arranged marriages works better, they never expected to be like heer ranjha at the first place. they have accepted they have to live happily after ever, whereas with a love marraige, there are lots of expectations.. and the guy expected that his girl fren would smell good even in the morning after she woke up after a late night party of junk food and wine, and the girl expecting that his Guy will look cute in a stubble groggy from sleep and smelling like a pig.
but sometimes, to a lucky few, Love does happen.. bridges of madison county anyone? casablanca was sad though.. I really wanted Ilsa and Mike to be together..
Saurabh,
That post might come... but not so soon. Err... I said I'll let Girl A know about it, so its obviously not me :P
You can select the song from www.bollyfm.net, and insert the link for it.
Bluegreen...,
sun is shining ekdum brigt on your face
Hahaha... I like that expression!
Anthony,
The boundaries between modern arranged marriages and love marriages have become somewhat blurred, dont you think?
"Hmmm... so its the person I least detest?"
So how many can U go on evaluating? Where do U draw the line as to 'this is the person U least detest'?
My money is on Girl A.
if i am allowed to abuse mathematics here.. its like a many-to-many function really. often enuf, its a question of who you meet 1st. :)
you really a prodigious writer!!! thats a lot of posts I missed. And in all this while, I cant even manage a measly update!!
Jay,
Hmmm.. you've got a point there. I guess you choose when you have a statistically good enough sample? :)
Jupiter,
Sorry dahling, but A is not me. I'm sure given our discussion off this blog, you can figure out who it is ;)
Neil,
That's called using maths, not abusing :)
Thanks for the compliment... hehe, I post everyday. And nice to see the Unicorn being humble in your story :D
plch.
Love is the most over rated thing since the 90's. I could write a book on it.
I/m a bit comfused with all this.
Whether happily ever after or not, you can still have good sex.. i thot..
love thought: * u might find a lotta men u love....but its really difficult to find one man who will love u back * and when u do....dont let him go....
oh check my post... take off on yours...
Boy A - How do you know when you meet a person, that she is 'the one' for you?
Boy B - You dont... you've just got to take your chances.
Boy C - Do you really think there is only one gal for you? I mean... billions of people in this world, surely you can click with more than 1 person?
Boy B - No there might be more... but you can keep looking, can you?
Boy C - Hmmmm... that's true, therefore if she's not 'the one' you look out for a 'second one'
The kind of conversation ALL gurls have with their gurlfriends. And I am not gonna pass expert comments on this one. Not my field of expertise. :p
But yeah, i do agree that you just gotta take chances. You wouldnt just know by looking at the guy that he's the one. I don't really believe in love at first sight, thats why.
Anyways, well written post...once again! :)
Oh btw, babe, i had ur email add but kinda lost it. Wanted to email you about my STOOOOPID dream. hehe.
So is it yourname.ursurname@ur place of work.com?? Hehe..I know all the info. Just not sure of the format. ;)
Zii,
Do let us know when the book is done ;)
Jack,
Nobody stopped you, did they?
Alice,
Lovely love thought :)
Bluegreen..,
Yup, will run over to yours in a minute.
Rohan,
Hmmmm, that says a lot about being positive, doesnt it :)
Medha,
Err... maybe I'll email you first, and you reply? The format isnt too correct, and I cant seem to change it here without giving it out ;)
:) Thanks Casa.. I enjoy ur blog.
dude.. this is hilarious. and the general mood about the issue is captured really well
Sweetblue,
*hugs*
Mrig,
Strange isnt it? Comedy in tragedy ;)
PS: Dudette here, not dude :D
lol...i could so relate!
i wish there was really a way of knowing who the right one is.
uknw, like the violins in the background, or the jolt of lightning...or the world going slow motion.lol!
World going in slow motion!
Haahaahaaa!!
You've been watching too many movies, my dear :D
>>>>Hmmm... so its the person I least detest?
hahahaa...:-)
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