Mix'n'Match

I dont always learn from my mistakes. I have often 'mixed' two seperate groups of my friends at dinners or parties, and almost always, regreted it later. But I still do it. Because for me, its always a little difficult to understand, why someone gets so uncomfortable around new people? Why does one set always get uneasy and question my friendship with the other set? Why is it so difficult to hang out with people who arent like you?

Ask me why I dislike someone, and I'll give you the most precise answer ever. Ask me why I like someone, and I'll be speechless. Do we really have a hard and fast selection criteria for our friends? Do all are friends have to be alike? I can never pinpoint why exactly I'm friends with someone, why I'm fond of someone, or why I love someone. Yes, I can give a few pointers, but its all very hazy.

Now I was talking to S about this yesterday. S is an old friend who has known me from school, and he says my "friendship style" is rather unique. He says that since school days, I've always had multiple friend 'circles', and these different 'circles' couldnt be more unlike each other. He called it my way of not putting all my eggs in one basket. I protested. I didnt like the planned and business-like feel it gave to the concept of friendship. But in a way, I think S was right. Maybe it is something I do unknowingly, but I have had for some time now, different groups of friends simultaneously. And I think a lot of us should start using that approach.

As much as we like to believe that we choose our friends, its not really true. Circumstances, education paths selections and career choices often dictate the kind of people we interact with, and then select friends from this specific subset. And before you shout out and say I am wrong, and in school you were able to make good friends, but were unfortunate to have the wrong set in university, let me tell you, age plays a big part in friendship. Doesnt it? Wasnt it so much easier to make friends when we were younger?

So if you ever wonder why the friends that you have right now arent 'perfect', stop trying to change them and stop wallowing in self-pity either. Make new friends who complement them. Accept these for who they are. And more importantly, treasure them for still being your friend... because nobody is perfect. Neither you, nor me.